"You HAVE to have teachers in school, Joey. 
Otherwise it would be too much fun."

--- Dennis the Menace, by Hank Ketcham, Los Angeles Times, 9/10/1991



HANS

You know how Americans are, Kiki. They all love to travel, and then they
only want to meet other Americans and talk about how hard it is to get a
decent hamburger.

From _Naked Lunch_ (1991)



BEVERLY

I have very little time, and so the conversation will be entirely about me
and I shall love it.

>From _The Man Who Came to Dinner_ (1942)



DR. BRUBAKER

My 3:00 patient jumped out of the window in the middle of his session. I
have been running fifteen minutes ahead of schedule ever since.

>From _The Seven Year Itch_ (1955)



DARIA

Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth.

>From "Daria" (1997)



FRANK

Jane, since I've met you I've noticed things that I never knew were there
before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

>From _The Naked Gun_ (1988)



FRANK BURNS

Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?

TRAPPER JOHN

It saves time, Frank.

>From "M*A*S*H" (1972)



ELLIE -- I'll make you two promises: a very good steak, medium rare, and the
truth, which is very rare.

>From Seven Days in May (1964)




ELLIOT CARVER -- The distance between insanity and genius is measured only
by success.

>From _Tomorrow Never Dies_ (1997)



ROZ
Physical contact extends our lives.

FRASIER
Well then, you'll outlive Styrofoam.

>From "Frasier" (1993)



HAL S. BLAKE -- He's the dumbest human being I ever saw. Every time he opens
his mouth he subtracts from the sum total of human knowledge.

>From _The Dark Horse_ (1932)




Blake

We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all
know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize?
[Holds up prize.] Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is
you're fired.

>From Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)



Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore

You smell that? Do you smell that? ...Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world
smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one
time we had a hill bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked
up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you
know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday
this war's gonna end...
[Walks off unhappily]

>From Apocalypse Now (1979)



Carrie Bradshaw

One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.

>From "Sex and the City" (1998)



Jack Horner

Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the
future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's
amateaurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will never
make a movie on tape.

>From Boogie Nights (1997)




Annie Savoy

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and
most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva,
trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are
108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball.
When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out
between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to
theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring...

>From Bull Durham (1988)



Buddy Ackerman

This is the only way that you can hope to survive. Because life... is not a
movie. Good guys lose. Everyone lies. And love... does not conquer all.

>From Swimming With Sharks (1994)




Dr. Hannibal Lecter

I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner.

>From The Silence of the Lambs (1991)



Megan Dayton

"What do you expect most from a relationship? A: Companionship. B: Sex. C:
Respect." I'd have to go with B: Sex. But let's mark "C" so we get a higher
score.

>From Return to Me (2000)



DAY

Aurora Greenway
Do you have any reaction at all to my telling you I love you?

Garrett Breedlove
I was just inches from a clean getaway.

>From Terms of Endearment (1983)




King Mongkut

When a woman who has much to say says nothing, her silence can be deafening.

>From Anna and the King (1999)



Allie Fox

Everything we need is here. Right here. We can live simply: gardening, beach
combing. I'm a changed man, mother. No more chemicals or poisons. If what
you want isn't washed up on this beach, you probably don't need it.

>From The Mosquito Coast (1986)



Deputy Mayor Michael Flaherty

My grandmother thought that a homosexual was a person who slept with one
person their whole life. We were gonna let it slide but she kept telling the
mailman she was a homosexual.

>From "Spin City" (1996)



Maggie
I'll win, alright.

Brick
Win what? What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?

Maggie
Just staying on it, I guess. As long as she can.

>From Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)



Col. Nathan Jessup

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded
by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a
greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago
and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not
knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved
lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves
lives. You don't want the truth because, deep down in places you don't talk
about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use
words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a
life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither
the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps
under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the
manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and
went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand at
post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

>From A Few Good Men (1992)



Burt

Wanna have a little sex?

Nan

You know, I've never hung up on anyone in my life. Because what if the next
thing they said solved everything? But I feel I must end this conversation.

Burt

That's a "no"? ... Hello...?


>From I'll Do Anything (1994)




Neal Schweiber

The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader, you've seen Star Wars 47 times.
You do the math.

>From "Freaks and Geeks" (1999)



Jenny

You're so lucky your parents are strict! My parents are really relaxed,
which makes it hard to rebel!

>From "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" (1996)



Daniel Jackson

It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They... well, they'd drill
a hole in the person's head. By drilling a hole the evil spirits are
released, thus saving the person from eternal
damnation.

Colonel Jack O'Neill

Thus... *saving* the person?

Daniel Jackson

Well, they didn't call them the Dark Ages because it was dark.

>From "Stargate SG-1" (1997)



Arnold Epstein

Why do you think I'm a homosexual?

Eugene Morris Jerome:

I guess it's because you never talk about girls.

Arnold Epstein

I never talk about dogs either. Does that make me a cocker spaniel?

>From Biloxi Blues (1988)



Mitch Robbins

Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life
when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you're a
teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a
blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you
think to yourself, "What happended to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a
little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and
one of your old girlfriends from highschool becomes a grandmother. Your
fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a
surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but
it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the
wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around
ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering
around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering "how come
the kids don't call?" By your eighties, you've had a major stroke, and you
end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you
call mama. Any questions?

>From City Slickers (1991)



Sandy Bates

It's funny, because in my family nobody ever committed suicide, nobody ...
this was just not a middle-class alternative, you know? I - my mother was
too busy running the boiled chicken through the deflavorizing machine to
think about shooting herself or anything.

>From Stardust Memories (1980)



Doris
You have no values; your whole life is nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm and
orgasm.

Harry
In France I could run on that slogan and win.

>From Deconstructing Harry (1997)



Jonathon "Mox" Moxon
The male erection. Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, 
the march is on, bicycle has formed, Jack's magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, 
Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger... oh, and a pedro.

>From Varsity blue



Emma Valentine
What do you demand of a woman, intelligence or beauty?

Jim West
Beauty if they are intelligent, and intelligence if they are beautiful.

>From "The Wild, Wild West" (1965)



Fluke Starbucker

Do you feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried
out in terror and were suddenly silenced?

Auggie Ben Doggie

No, it's just a headache.

>From Hardware Wars (1977)



Trey Parker
You know, when Comedy Central asked us to do a Thanksgiving episode, the
first thought that went through my mind was, "Boy, I'd like to have sex with
Jennifer Aniston."

>From "South Park" (1997)



Grace

Ok, here's the Thanksgiving menu so far: apple pie, pumpkin pie, blueberry
tart, and ice-cream roll. What am I missing? ...Cake! We need cake.

Will

Did you take a bong hit before you wrote that?

>From "Will & Grace" (1998)



Mike Damone [The "Five-Point Plan"]
First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie.
Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now
three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this
great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order
for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the
linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this
is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever
possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

>From Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)



Harry Burns
I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you
an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle
in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I
spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love
that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at
night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's
Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest
of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon
as possible.

>From When Harry Met Sally... (1989)



Rory Breaker
If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think
your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya.
In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you
understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya.

>From Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)




"It's important not to indicate. People don't try to show their feelings, they try to hide them." 

by Robert de Niro